|What To Do When You Find Out Your Partner Has Been Cheating On You |
This is a question I get asked on Instagram again and again after sharing my own experience with cheating back in 2016.
More than once a week I’ll get a DM from someone wanting advice after finding out their partner has been cheating, all asking the same questions:
What do I do now?
How can I cope?
How long will it hurt for?
So I thought I’d pop together my advice (and advice I’ve collected from friends who have been through it too) into a post that you can come back to as many times as you need.
ALSO READ: How To Survive The First Two Weeks of Heartbreak
– Practical advice for breakups
Try To Stay Calm –
You heart will be pumping, your mind will be racing and you probably can’t sit still with the panic, but it’s so important to try and stay calm. Take some deep breaths in and out, press your hands and body weight against a wall to ground yourself and take a moment. Do this every time you feel that state of mind rising again – it’s so hard to think rationally when you’re not feeling calm.
Make Sure You Have All The Facts –
Do you know for sure your partner has been cheating or is it just a hunch? Have they come clean? Do you have evidence like photos or messages?
It’s important to make sure you have all the facts before confronting your partner – a false accusation around something like this could be potentially devastating to a relationship. Make sure to gather your thoughts before moving forward.
DON’T Ask For Details –
Right now you think you want to know everything. Who? How? Where? What? Why? But don’t ask for the gory details. These will only play over and over in your mind and bring up even more questions as time goes on, it’s torture.
Try and keep the details to a minimum and leave out the gory bits. Trust me on this one.
Avoid Doing Anything Rash –
Ya know, things like damaging their property or telling their employer…maybe don’t do that. Refer to point one, try to stay calm and sleep on it all. More than once if needed.
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Talk to People You Trust –
It may feel like the most embarrassing moment of your life right now. How could you be so naive not knowing all of this was going on? But it’s SO important to talk to someone you trust about it all and get these things off your chest. You’re not naive and you’re certainly not a fool – no-one is going to judge you.
Make Some Space –
You may be feeling like you want to get as far away from this person as possible, or you also may never want them out of your sight again. But it’s important right now to make some space and take a little time apart. If you live together that can be tricky, but there will be a solution – it’s important to take it so you can gather your thoughts.
Know It’s Nothing to do With You –
You might roll your eyes at this one but it’s important to know that your partners actions have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. They may try to tell you all sorts of excuses as to why you or your relationship may have driven them to do what they did, but ultimately they made a decision and that’s all on them. You did not cause this.
Understand That It Will Get Better –
It’s going to take time. Your world as you knew it has changed in an instant. The person you thought you knew no longer exists. This is a huge change for you and it will take time to get over.
How much time is completely up to you. It could take weeks, months or years to get back to a place you feel yourself in but just know that it will happen. Each day will be easier than the last and you will find ways to move forward one step at a time.
You’ve got this.
It’s never easy finding out your partner has been cheating or that you’ve been cheated on, but take it from someone who’s well and truly been there: This is most probably the start of your REAL life right now. If you’re experience is anything like mine, this is one of the best things that could of happened to you and you won’t believe how amazing your life is about to be….honestly.