Having been cheated on I know first hand that a woman with trust issues may be tricky to handle at times. Quite frankly, a lot of people just won’t be up to the challenge of dating a woman who has been cheated on.
Many people think that ‘having trust issues’ just means you’re a paranoid jealous mess who is constantly looking for signs their new partner is a cheat. But for me, that kind of direct trust wasn’t actually an issue. I realised very quickly that if someone was going to cheat on me again then they would, and there’s nothing I can actually do about it. It’s their issue and not mine so in reality you can’t predict these things or prevent them in any way.
My trust issues stemmed from finding the courage to put my heart into the hands of another and trusting them not to break it once more. Making myself vulnerable by starting a new relationship and opening myself up to being made a fool of again if it didn’t work. But trust is essentially a choice that you make and unless you want to be alone (which of course there is nothing wrong with) you’re going to have to take that leap of faith some time.
Getting over your own trust issues is one thing, but what if you’re on the other side and find yourself falling for a woman with a damaged heart? Well, here are some honest and practical tips for dating a woman who has been cheated on. These tips will help gently break away those barriers and help her trust again, because honestly, it’s worth the extra effort.
Here are my top 10 tips for dating a woman who has been cheated on…
1. She May Be Cautious at First
Understand that putting yourself out there again after being cheated on is a terrifying prospect. She’s been through hell trying to fix that broken heart of hers and a lot of her illusions around the innocence and good in others have been shattered. It may take a few dips of those toes in the water before stepping in. Be patient and understanding that she isn’t going to just dive bomb back into the love pool!
2. She May Be a Little Guarded Until Things Get Serious
If you feel as if she’s holding back when you see her she might well be. She’s not going to let herself go completely until she knows you’re serious about sticking around. Would you jump if you weren’t sure the other person would actually catch you? Her personality will come out over time as she begins to trust you and open up, it just may take a little longer than normal.
3. It Might Feel Like You’re The Only One Texting
Be prepared to make a few of the first moves until she knows she can message you first without you running away. When you’ve been cheated on you often feel as if there’s something wrong with you (100% NOT the case BTW) and so you almost expect people to go running at any point. Keep showing that you’re there for her, interested and look forward to talking and meeting up. You won’t have to put in all the work forever.
4. Take Things Slow
It will take time for her to trust enough to commit again. Putting yourself out there with that Facebook status change is you saying ‘I’m trying again’ and makes you vulnerable to heartache once more. Don’t give up if you get a rejection. Just because she isn’t ready to make it official right now doesn’t mean she won’t be in month or so’s time. Keep things moving at a pace she feels comfortable and don’t be afraid ask again.
5. Show You Can Commit Before Actually Committing
Technically you’re still single so you’re well within your rights to date other people and even share a cheeky kiss on a night out. But if you’re serious about this lady then show you can commit before you actually ‘go official’ by making her the only one. She will most likely expect you to be seeing other people as she hasn’t been shown much loyalty in the past, so putting yourself out there for her and only her until she’s ready is a huge step towards showing you’re different.
6. Talking About Her Past Doesn’t Mean She’s Still Stuck In It
Some people think that when someone talks about what’s happened to them in the past it means they’re still living it or aren’t fully over what’s happened. That’s not always true. Talking about the past is therapy and helps relate your current feelings to previous experiences. It enables you to process and helps you put them into context and deal. Let her talk, solve those problems together and let her share with you on her team.
7. Honesty Is KEY
This one seems like a bit of a given but it’s even more crucial with someone who has been cheated on. Be honest about everything even if you think it’s irrelevant or if you think it could drive her away. Always keep any promises you make and follow through if you say you’re going to do something important – she’ll remember and by doing so it shows your word means something. Let her decide what is important and what’s not and don’t try to hide anything because trust me, she’ll notice and she’ll back away faster than you can say ‘cheat’ to protect herself from any potential hurt.
8. Expect a Grilling From Her Friends
They’ve seen her at her lowest and never want to see her there again. Her friends will be very protective of her after all that’s happened and it may feel like you’re under scrutiny for a little while. Truth is, you probably are! But as long as your intentions are true and you’re willing again to be open and honest then you have nothing to fear. Like her, once you gain their trust you’ll be fully accepted into that circle that once felt like a wall of the toughest bodyguards a person can hire!
9. Be Honest About What You Want From The Future
She’s already wasted so much time and won’t want to do that again. She knows exactly what she wants from a relationship so be honest if your dreams are the same or not. It’s all or nothing with her so be prepared to talk about these things openly and put yourself out there too.
10. Understand That Sometimes She May Second Guess You
This is TOTALLY normal and doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t trust you. Certain things may trigger cautious thoughts or make her a little more wary than she was yesterday and that’s OK. You can reassure her by being honest and open, answering any questions she has without duress and under no circumstances calling her crazy or paranoid. If you’re being honest then there’s nothing to hide and with time those moments will fade into nothing as she trusts wholeheartedly again.
It may take a little longer to gain the trust of a woman who has been cheated on and we don’t give our trust or our hearts out easily. But when we do it’s yours unequivocally, and you can be sure you’ll have the most loyal and loving partner you could ever find.