Those of you who’ve been reading xameliax for a while will know that over the last two years I’ve taken the plunge into fitness – I’ve started learning a martial art and begun exercising a lot more than I used to. Last year I also started using the Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide and saw some incredible results which I documented on my blog and youtube channel for anyone else thinking of starting the guide or currently doing it and needing a little motivation.
At the end of last year my exercising came to an abrupt halt when I injured my knee in a charity mud run which caused me some serious issues meaning that I needed to take some time out to rest and I totally got out of my fitness swing. Couple that with months of amazing food, even better wine, a hectic schedule working two jobs and holding down a colourful social life and you’ve got one unfit 27 year old that’s over a stone heavier than she was in 2013.
Recently after quitting my job and going full-time with my blog i’ve been excited about the extra time this has brought back into my life – only having one job instead of two and having my evenings and weekends back for things other than editing and filming is a godsend, so you think I would have dusted off my Kayla Guide and jumped right back into that gym at my first opportunity. But I’ve found myself feeling incredibly anxious about putting on that gym gear and starting again and a tremendous pressure about delivering results.
With so many super fit girlies in my Instagram feed, Pinterest boards and in general all over the net I feel like we’re constantly bombarded with images of perfect abs, strong young women in the gym or protein shakes which sometimes can make me feel quite sad. I find myself looking at how I can barely do 5 push ups when I used to be able to do more than 30, or at my Yorkshire Tea and Nutella on toast when the internet tells me I should be drinking pretty smoothies and green tea.
Is it ok to be a little wobbly?
Is it ok to want to sit and watch tv in your pjs instead of watching it at the gym on the treadmill?
Is it ok to not want to eat kale and chia seeds 24/7?
The answer is of course yes but it still doesn’t stop us from feeling a little guilty or worthless in comparison to others who seem to relish those gym trips or protein pancakes. I get asked a lot on Instagram and on Twitter if I’m still doing the Kayla Guide or when I’ll be starting again and it makes me feel so guilty when I have to say I stopped at week 8. I’ve tried to start the Kayla guide again a couple of times so I can write my progress blogs and film those helpful vlogs that I know you enjoy to see but because my heart wasn’t in it I never lasted longer than two weeks.
I will be getting back on the fitness horse, dusting off my BBG Guide and building up my strength to get that sense of empowerment back – and if I lose a few lbs along the way then great. But I won’t be popping it all online or looking too closely at those scales just yet, not until I’ve re-found my love for it all again. I’m doing this for me, in my own time and my own way because I think if you do these things for anyone else you’re only setting yourself up to fail.
So if you’re in a fitness rut and are feeling a little down about yourself, your motivation or your body then don’t worry – you’re not alone. It is ok to be a little wobbly and we all have bad days, weeks, even months but you will get back to where you want to be, just make sure you’re heading there for you and no-one else, and don’t rush.
I’m sure I’ll be back with my Kayla updates soon but for now I’m taking life one dog walk and healthy evening meal at a time. And when I get into that bikini on my holiday with Joe on Saturday I’m going to love myself and have an amazing time whether there’s a set of abs there or not!
“The race is long, and in the end it’s only with yourself.”