– Successful Pregnancy after Miscarriage Stories: Our Journey –
Content Warning: Discussions of pregnancy loss
Our lives are about to change forever…now what?
Back in January we tied the knot in Scotland with our friends and family and took an epic tequila-filled honeymoon to Mexico a month later. We’d known from day one we wanted to start a family together at some point and after our beautiful wedding it really did feel like the perfect time to start trying….
At 34 and 35 we knew our dream of starting a family may take a while so we settled ourselves in for whatever this journey had in store. But as we were both ready to make our move into the world of parenthood we wanted to give ourselves the best possible chance…so I started tracking my ovulation!
I have to admit I really enjoyed the tracking process learning even more about my body and using ovulation tests for the first time. Seeing those little smiley faces was a big reassurance that things were happening and we might be able to actually do this! To our surprise my cycle tracking paid off and we got pregnant on our very first go. We were absolutely amazed and incredibly grateful things had happened so quickly when we really didn’t expect them to.
But this wasn’t our time.
We proceeded with caution, and in all honesty I think I knew deep down this wasn’t the one – I just couldn’t seem to get the news to sink in. When we miscarried it felt heavy and hard. It doesn’t matter how aware you are of the statistics, when it happens to you, pregnancy loss is incredibly difficult. My mind and my body were confused by the rollercoaster of emotions and hormones they’d been on, and we were both forced to quickly navigate this new and heart breaking situation.
Successful Pregnancy after Miscarriage Stories: Our Journey
After the Rain Comes a Rainbow
But the heartache from our loss only solidified how much we wanted our little family, so we tried again…
We weren’t holding out much hope for the cycle after our loss. Our miscarriage turned out to be a tricky one that lasted a couple of months and while we were given the all clear to try again I just didn’t think it was going to happen.
The only reason I took a pregnancy test that month was our little dog Toby.
He was stuck to me like glue and would not leave my side. Cuddling me on the sofa, following me everywhere and just looking at me all the time! So I sat there one morning, a few days before my period was meant to arrive, and I unwrapped a test.
I placed it on the side and it instantly left my mind. There was no way I was pregnant, I had no symptoms…
I lifted the test and cautiously shouted Chris upstairs. We both stood there in total shock – there it was, a faint little line staring back at us. A tiny pink strip of hope that symbolised everything we wanted.
We didn’t know what to do! Was this real? I was furiously googling ‘evaporation lines’ and trawling forums to find other pictures of early tests that looked like ours. It was small and it was faint, but it was there!
I still didn’t believe it so the next day I took another test…and another one…and another one! Until before I knew it I had 10 days worth of pregnancy tests lined up on the bathroom windowsill getting darker and darker every day. Early detection tests that turned into regular ones. Digital tests with the word PREGNANT in black and white on the screen. Week indicator tests that read 1-2 weeks…then 2-3 weeks…and then 3+.
Everything we didn’t get to see happen before.
“What do you mean I’m not the only child anymore?!”
We booked in for an early scan at a private clinic because despite me practically buying shares in Clearblue it’s still really hard – especially after loss – to fully believe what’s happening. To allow yourself to dream and hope that this time it really will work and not get taken away. As we walked into that dark little scan room with screens all around, I’d prepared myself for the worst while still hoping for the best.
We held hands so tightly as the sonographer said, “Yep, there they are! Growing in the right place and looking great.”.
I stared at that black and white photo of a blob the whole way home as everything slowly started to fall into place.
The First Trimester
The first time we heard the heartbeat I asked the sonographer if it was actually real! I’d figured they could maybe tell it was there but the sound they were playing was just a stock recording of a heartbeat for demonstration purposes or something! We couldn’t believe our ears – so strong, so loud…and ours. It was one of those memories that will stay with me forever – like the movie Inside Out when a core memory just plops down the tube. It was incredible.
A few weeks later we booked another scan to help ease the first trimester anxiety and we watched in awe as we saw our little blob had grown into a prawn!
Before we knew it, we were at the 12 week scan and there they were – an actual baby.
From the size of a poppy seed to the size of a mango…and growing every day!
I can’t really explain the anxiety that comes with pregnancy after loss, especially in those first few months. While I knew deep down everything was going to be ok, my heart just wouldn’t allow me to fully feel it yet. But every scan and appointment with good news helped get me closer to letting those feelings in and we simply took things day by day. I found myself reading a lot of successful pregnancy after miscarriage stories like this one which helped me stay positive. And I just kept reminding myself that while things do occasionally go wrong, so many more things go right.
Anxiety aside, my first trimester was rough! 24/7 room-spinning nausea and exhaustion like I’ve never felt before. I struggled to eat or stay hydrated and when I was occasionally able to stomach food it consisted of either dry breadsticks, pretzels or oddly, a McDonalds Chicken Sandwich! Chris would come home with bright blue Tango ice blasts from the corner shop (healthy!) or fresh watermelon to help get some kind of fluid down and Dr Toby was there to dish out ALL the cuddles.
My sense of smell was so sensitive, everything made me feel like I was going to hurl! I couldn’t open the fridge, brush my teeth or go anywhere near the bin. Even just the normal smell of Chris and Toby were too much for me some days and they were banished to the other end of the sofa!
While I don’t want to wish any part of this pregnancy away…I’m very glad to be done with that bit! Although I do miss my ability to fall asleep anywhere at any time – something I’ve never been able to do before. I was the pregnancy nap queen in that first trimester!
So What Now?
As I sit here writing this we’ve just passed the half way mark in our pregnancy! Baby is cooking away nicely and our midwife is very happy.
My bump is also growing by the day and I get little flutters now and again while I’m watching TV or when I’m drifting off to sleep to remind me they’re still in there. The worries still sit at the back of my mind and they occasionally come out to play, especially before scans and appointments, but overall I feel amazing.
We are so incredibly excited (and quite nervous!) about our new adventure and I am LOVING the experience of being pregnant. I have so much respect for my body and my mind is blown every time my app gives us an update of what’s happening in there each week.
We’re taking it all in, beginning to properly plan and we can’t wait to meet our little person. The gratitude we feel grows at every milestone and we feel so incredibly lucky to be here and have gotten this far.
I honestly could talk about it all for hours, but those thoughts are for another post. For now, the bumps out of the bag, we’re doing this and the adventure is well on the way!
Here’s to a brand new chapter and a love like never before.
Successful Pregnancy after Miscarriage Stories: Our Journey by xameliax