Allowing Yourself To Heal and Living For The Now

A reflection on my healing journey and how I came to love myself once more

There’s a lot of useful bits and bobs on this site, everything from recipes to travel articles, beauty tutorials and style advice, but today I’d like to be a little self-indulgent. Take it back to the original type of posts we had on xameliax nearly 10 years ago (holy crap, I’m old) and chatter on about life and the things that are on my mind.

I want this blog to sit here as a reminder of this very moment in my life where I, for the first time in two years, finally feel like my world has settled.


This past year has been an incredible.

I’ve travelled on a $4,000 a week luxury train through India, relaxed by a pool and re-charged in the Caribbean, cruised around the Baltic sea, fell in love with Bali, taken a surprise trip where I didn’t know where I was flying until 2 hours before, laughed like I’ve never laughed before at a festival in Jersey, and been on my first ever Safari in South Africa which completely blew me away.

I’ve seen some incredible shows on stage, relaxed in spas across the country, eaten in some wonderful places, discovered a new creative hobby, moved my body because I wanted to not to lose weight or chase a number on the scale. Turned the big 3-0! Been shopping for new clothes, drunk copious amounts of great wine and spent the most quality time with my wonderful friends that I’ve ever managed to squeeze in!

But most of all, the reason why this year has been so incredible, is because I’ve finally found myself.

My Healing Journey

This time last year I was in the depths of depression, medicated and feeling incredibly alone. I’d lost my direction, the tablets were making me forgetful, I was riddled with anxious thoughts and I was terrified I’d never get myself back. But when the clock struck 12 on New Year’s Eve I made a decision to start being kinder to myself and let go of all those pre-conceived ideas of where I should be, what I should be feeling and how my life should look.

By doing so I freed my mind enough to let it heal.

I embraced the now, the present, how it all looked and felt right this second instead of my heart being stuck in the past and my head rooted in the future. I took each day as it came, rode the waves of every day life and began to actually appreciate what I had all around me and within my own soul.

I laughed, I cried, I daydreamed and planned. I ran, I slept and I took time for myself. I slowed down, I accepted my body and I breathed. I relaxed, I dated and I loved myself more.

People often ask me if I could go back and change things if I would. And my answer is wholeheartedly, no. I truly feel like you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced some form of heartbreak or hit your own personal rock bottom.

It strengthens you, it opens your mind and most of all it helps you appreciate the good times. The times when you feel great, the times when you love and have love in return, the times when you’re smiling and the times when your world spins so easily.

I can’t tell you the secret to healing. It comes in many forms all held together with a big handful of time.

But it’s possible, you just have to allow yourself to do it.

What Does 2019 Hold?

I have absolutely no idea, and that’s the best part! (this from the girl who used to have to be in complete control of everything and plan years in advance!)

I’m taking each day as it comes, appreciating life as it is right now and letting go of any pre-conceived ideas of what my world at 30 going on 31 should be.

But most of all I’ll be being kind to myself, caring for all the wonderful relationships I have with those around me and loving my little world every single day.

There’s nothing more wonderful than life itself.

If this blog post has intrigued you in some way, I’m going to suggest a book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle 

Take a read, even if you don’t love it then you’ve at the very least taken some time for yourself in the process