SELF HELP BLOG: “I Feel So Alone”
5 Incredibly Important Things To Remember When You Feel Lost & Alone
“I pick up a packet sandwich from the fridge that’s humming and glowing against the wall. A sad looking thing usually reserved for cheat days but the only thing I can even think about eating today.
The coffee shop is buzzing with people. Other customers stand uncomfortably close to me in the queue. Yet I feel so alone.
My ears tune into the steady beep of a sandwich toaster calling out that its finished it’s job. It’s sounds like a machine you’d find at the side of a hospital bed. I barely even notice when it stops.
My server is busying herself with some spilt sugar and getting frustrated with her till and doesnt once look up at me as I place my order. I am mentally willing her to glance upwards. To see the loneliness on my face and ask if I am alright. Even though I will probably just reply with ‘Yes fine thank you’ and force an unconvincing smile.
I don’t remember the drive here.
I catch a glimpse of myself in the window draped in mis-matched clothes with lazily applied makeup in a drab attempt to disguise my stress breakouts and exhausted deep blue under-eyes. I don’t recognise the person looking back at me and that makes me feel the loneliest of all.
I feel like tears are going to spill over my eyelids at any moment. The lump in my throat getting bigger for no reason.
I’m tired. So tired. The result of endless nights up until the sun starts to rise, unable to quieten the noisy thoughts, worries and negativity swimming around my mind. Trapped in an endless cycle of self loathing, late nights, bland food and strong coffee.
I force the rest of my sandwich down not even tasting it, simply knowing that I need something in my body to function.
I feel so alone.
My coffee has gone cold but I drink it anyway. Feeling the caffeine curse through my limbs sparking something, anything as I mindlessly scroll through my social feeds – a depressing habit of the iPhone generation. Skimming the words of virtual people chatting away on Twitter or kind strangers leaving comments on a carefully curated Instagram feed. How can you be lonely with a world full of people just 140 characters away?
But it’s not the same.
People have come and gone in my time here, swapping tables and grabbing coffee on the go as they rush back to their busy lives.
I feel like I could sit here forever and no one would notice.
I don’t want to walk out the door and get back in my car because I have no idea where I’m going. Another shop to mindlessly browse? Try to fill the void I feel with pretty things for my house. Back home to force work or thoughtlessly stare at the tv in the hope that some programme or film might make me feel something?
It looks like it’s about to rain.
I start to feel sick as the first food I’ve eaten in 12(24?) hours hits my empty stomach and my neck goes hot. I need to get out of here. So I leave.
Back in my car I let out a huge breath I had no idea I was holding until now and I wonder how many other people feel this way too.
Invisible and totally alone.”
– xameliax
Does that story sound or feel familiar at all?
I wrote that a few weeks ago when I was sat in a coffee shop feeling lost and totally alone. It felt as if those thoughts were going to burst out of me at any moment, yet I also felt completely numb at the same time.
It was that evening when I was reading my words back to myself having managed to pull myself up a little, that I felt like I needed to share them.
Because I knew that in actual fact, I wasn’t alone, certainly not with these feelings.
READ: How To Cope With Depression | Practical Tips That You Can Do Right Now
5 Incredibly Important Things To Remember When You Feel Lost & Alone
You’re Not Alone In Feeling This Way
The first thing to say is exactly this. If you’re here reading this article then it must have resonated with you in some way…I guess that makes two of us at least who both feel alone and a little lost. EVERYONE at some point in their life will feel alone, it’s a human feeling and we’re all just that. Take solace in the knowledge that although you may be physically on your own right now, you’re not alone in feeling what you do – it doesn’t make you broken, it just makes you human.
You’re Not Past You..and That’s OK
We all need to evolve. Life moves on, circumstances alter and we ourselves progress, regress and change. It’s normal to pine sometimes for the way things used to be, how we used to be. In the past we may have dealt with things differently – better even – and you may even feel like right now you’re not progressing or moving forward in any way at all. But you know what? That’s ok too. Sometimes in life it’s good to tread water a little and step off that conveyor belt. Just because you don’t feel like you’re moving forward right now doesn’t mean you won’t ever again. And just because things are a little different isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Sometimes You Have To Get A Little Lost
How can you be full if you weren’t empty first? Sometimes we have to get a little lost in order to find our way. It’s important to have faith in the future and what you’re going through right now, and everything you’re feeling, is building the foundation for something great that’s coming your way. Try to practice a little patience even though sometimes it can feel impossible. Let go of the perfect reality in your mind and let things flow, you never know the wonders that are round the corner…life is funny like that.
Feelings Help You Heal
Listen to them. Dig deeper into what they mean. They could just be pointing you in the direction of your own self healing that without them you may never have found. So you feel sad and alone? Why? Write your answers down and keep chipping away at them, digging deeper and deeper until you get to the root. You might be surprised at what you find. It could be something you can change yourself or it could be something you need to let go of. Either way these feelings you have right now could be the key to happiness tomorrow.
This Too Shall Pass
Even though it feels like it right now (trust me, I know), these feelings won’t last forever. Think back to when you felt them before. Yes they’re here again right now, but they went away. These feelings of loneliness and loss are part of life as a human. We’re a complicated bundle of emotions, memories and thoughts – things will occasionally go wrong. But remember that nothing is forever and you will pull through this. It’s just a bump in the road, you got this.
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