Back to the grind and back to our weekly slice of life with my first weekly vlog since Mexico! This week has been mostly spent on my sofa being poorly – again! Man flu well and truly got me and didn’t want to let go so I actually took some time off to rest up this week and I’m starting to feel a bit better again finally – fingers crossed we can fully shake it this time and get back to 100% health.
You might notice a lack of photos in this post and on my instagram as we usually do a ‘Week In Photos’ blog to go along with the weekly vlog but I’m afraid I didn’t actually take any photos last week. I’d love to say it was just because I felt poorly and wasn’t up to much but it was actually a lot more than that – I’ve been feeling incredibly low about social media and the internet for a while now and time away on holiday to unwind and collect my thoughts made me realise just how much the online hate I’ve received recently has got to me.
I’m a sensitive person, very sensitive, always have been but usully I’ve been able to shake off any negative comments after a few days or so but these. These have really gotten to me and I’m not quite sure how to shake them just yet. Maybe it’s because my channel and blog are my full time job now? Maybe it’s because the videos in question were filled with such pride that the negativity hit me extra hard? Or maybe its because I just don’t understand how people think it’s ok to be so god damn vile to strangers on the internet. Whatever the reason it’s really taken me down.
It wouldn’t surprise me if my man flu is a physical manifestation of my mental state right now because in all honesty guys I’m pretty darn blue. I know we’re not supposed to express these things – don’t feed the trolls – but if any of those people (for want of a stronger word) are reading this then I want them to know that they’ve caused this, and if they get pleasure from that then there really is no hope for them. Maybe it’s the fact that I can’t stand up for myself, can’t defend myself because a) they don’t care and b) there’s too many to fight. But I’m trying to get passed it and go back to normal even though I’m terrified this has taken a piece of my social media spark that I won’t be able to get back. Maybe I’m not cut out for this, maybe I’m too sensitive…I guess time will tell.
Watch: xameliax Weekly Vlog Episode 22
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See you next week guys hopefully with some instagram pictures too <3