Up until last year I’d had my fair share of breakups and heartache with relationships. But nothing quite prepared me for finding out – two days after he proposed – that my long term partner had been having multiple affairs behind my back.
My entire world crumbled, my trust was shattered and I had to start again. New house, new way of living, completely new me.
Fast forward ten months and I’m sat here writing this a brand new person. xameliax 2.0 baby! If you’d told me I’d feel this way all those many moons ago I wouldn’t have believed you. There were weeks I simply lay in bed unable to fathom what had just happened or how I would ever move on. But bit by bit I started to heal. There were turning points that built me up enough to glue back another piece of my broken heart until once more I felt whole again and ready to take on the world.
Looking back on my previous life from where I stand now, a new, stronger, more determined person than ever before, I realise that walking away from my old life was the single best thing that ever happened to me. So if you’re going through heartache or disaster right now and wondering how you’ll ever learn to love or live again, this, is for you.
5 Things I Learnt When My Life Fell Apart
- You Know Who Your Friends and Family Are. I’ve never had many friends, and even up until everything went wrong I didn’t truly realise how amazing the friends I do have were. All the hours of self-analytical voice notes, the cups of tea flooded by tears and the eternal reassurance without judgement or duress. I’ve also never really been that close with my parents but the way they stepped up to look after me, their 28 year old adult daughter and made me feel like everything was going to be ok – it’s brought us closer than we’ve ever been. When something like this happens you realise just how lucky you are to have the people you do surrounding you, even if it’s just one person or a handful – they’ve got your back and you’ll truly understand how you aren’t, and never will be alone.
- People Are Kind. When everything happened and I had to start telling people my ex and I were no longer together I was terrified of being judged. What will people think of me? Am I going to be the town gossip? I will be ridiculed. But in my experience everyone has been so wonderful, reaching out and even forming new friendships that weren’t there before based on experiences and mutual respect. Yes I’m sure I’ve been the subject of a few WhatsApp chats or online forums ‘OMG did you hear what happened to that xameliax girl??’ But on the whole, the support and kindness people have shown me has been overwhelming. You’ve done nothing wrong, you didn’t deserve this and you’ve got a whole team of people cheering you on for the future.
- You Are Stronger Than You Think. The amount of times I sat there thinking ‘How the hell am I going to get through this’ and genuinely thinking I never would was scary. But guess what? I did. And I totally bossed it! No it wasn’t easy and yes there are still times where it comes back up to bite me in the ass, but I did it and I’m still standing. In fact, I’m standing here as the best version of me there’s ever been…so take that self-doubt! You’re a resilient little thing, never forget that.
- Nothing is Set in Stone But That’s OK. I used to get so upset whenever plans changed or if I felt like I was out of control with things. I later found out this was due to anxiety but also because I guess I’d never really had things go so wrong before. I was naive. I thought the future would play out exactly as I wanted and we would all live happily ever after, so when I was hit with the reality that this may not always happen it was tough to come to terms with. But now, now I understand that things may go sometimes wrong, that everything may not always turn out exactly as planned and you know what? I’m ok with it. I don’t go through life expecting everything not to work out but if it doesn’t, I can take it with a pinch of salt, shrug my shoulders and move on. Now that’s an empowering feeling.
- Sometimes it Takes Things Going Wrong to Realise How Right Your World CAN Be. A year ago I thought I had it all. I was happy (well at least I thought I was) and I felt like I was at the top of my life game. Fast forward nearly a year and I’m happier and freer than I’ve ever been. I’m in a new relationship, I love my home and I’m doing things just for me. I’ve grown as a person and I’m still growing every day – things are incredible. And if it wasn’t for what happened last year I would have never known life could be like this. It’s pretty god damn amazing.
So if you find yourself having to start again; learn from the experience, grow with your healing and understand that whatever happens, you are going to be OK. Hey, you might even be better than ok. This could quite possibly be the start of something incredible.
“What if I fall? But my darling, what if you fly.”